Wait, what did that email say?

On Friday morning, I woke up not feeling well.  There are a bunch of people on base and at 228 that have had colds, the flu, and various other viruses.  I have tried to be good like my mom and dad asked me.  I have been attempting to go to bed early, drinking enough liquid for my whole DTS, and bundling up (since it is winter here). But alas, I have not been feeling well.  So I text my leaders and let them know I was going to sleep through morning exercise (6am) and attempt to make it to family chores at 8am.  I have had a rough week with feeling physically drained and generally exhausted.  I have had high spirits and been so blessed emotionally and spiritually, so that has been such a blessing.  However, on Friday morning, I was getting discouraged with not feeling well (it really started on Sunday).  When I got to base for family chores, I had sometime to check my email.  I finished an email to my pal Sam Pollock (shout out!) and then looked at what was in my inbox.  There was some junk from Walgreen's, a couple sweet emails from family and friends, and something from my loan company.  I read the one from the loan company very carefully.  I literally shouted "PRAISE GOD!" when I get done.  I might have scared some fellow DTSers who were not quite awake.  The email was a reply to my question if my loan forgiveness had gone through...the answer was YES!  My loan from my undergrad and master's program for $17,500 was forgiven because I had taught as a special ed teacher for 5 years.  How amazing is that!  I had put in for the loan forgiveness back in May and was basically waiting in anticipation for the government's answer.  I feel so blessed! I had been praying for it to go through without any issues and God answered those prayers.  
This week God has really been faithful to show that He is the God who keeps His promises and provides all we need.  God did that with the loan forgiveness.  This week our topic was Intercession and Worship.  For those of you who don't know Intercession is a fancy way of saying praying on behalf of others.  Also Worship not just in a musical senses.  It was amazing! We were told by our instructor time after time how God would call him and/or his family members to step out in faith and God would provide when they did step out in faith.  It was great to hear and encouraging.  I have been slightly stressed and concerned as to why the loan forgiveness had not gone through yet, it was suppose to have gone through at the end of June, then the middle of July, but it has gone through so praise God.  I am so thankful for God pouring out His blessings on me, especially during my time here while I am stepping out in faith to see what His will for my life is. 

“You Make Me Feel Like Dancing”

This weeks lecture topic was Repentance and Forgiveness.  Staff here warned us all that it would most likely be the hardest week emotionally.  The people at the café even joked that they would give DTS students a discount on drinks because we were going to need it.  So needless to say I was freaked out and scared. Monday morning during base wide worship, I had an image of myself dancing…a ballet type dancing.  I don’t know what the turn is called, but I knew I had seen it before in the movie Center Stage.  What was that?  Why would I have that image?  That is so weird.  God do you want me to start dancing? Are you trying to show me something about myself?  I spoke with my friend Felicia and she said that maybe God was trying to tell me that He thinks I am elegant or that my worship is like beautiful dancing to Him.  I still was confused as to why I would have this image.  I even tried to do the dance move, after looking it up, in someone’s house.  Let’s just say that it did not turn out well.  I looked up the clip of the turn online, from the movie, and it was a part where a teacher was telling one of the dancers how to do the turn.  She had to release her center and it will flow naturally.  Was God trying to tell me to give Him control?  I knew that He does not want me to hold onto control and my parents had been praying that I learn to give God all of the control.  I did not have total peace with just that thought so I kept thinking and praying for clarity and was still confused.  It was on Tuesday while I was at the café and my co-worker and I were talking about application Friday.  That is where we apply everything that we have learned from the week.  So for Repentance and Forgiveness that means that we are given an opportunity to bring our sins that we have not repented of into the light by confessing them aloud in class.  The purpose is not to ‘air out our dirty laundry’ or hear how others have sinned, but to give us an opportunity.  The idea is that  “confession to man brings humility and unity and makes a repentant person ready to receive God’s healing of mind, emotion, and body,” (quote from Is That Really You, God? By Loren Cunningham).  I hate to admit that I am wrong or that I have messed up, but I know that God wanted me to do this and that made me scared.  What would my classmates think of me?  What would God bring forward as to sins that I have hidden from others or even from myself.  Some of these fears were what I was sharing with my café co-worker.  He shared things with me how He felt after his application Friday during his DTS.  This is how the conversation went or as close to as I remember:

Him: “Afterwards you will feel so free; you will feel like dancing.” I started to get really excited.

Me: “Wait what did you say?”

Him: “You will feel so free?”

Me: “Why did you say dancing?”

Him: “I don’t know? I don’t dance so I don’t know why I would say that.”

I then explained the image that God gave me on Monday, and how I had been trying to figure it out.  God totally used my co-worker!  He used him to show me what the image of dancing was for and what I needed to give Him control over.  Friday was the area I needed to give Him control and trust in Him so that I can be free and ‘dance’.   On Friday, I gave God total control and repented of my sins and forgave past hurts I had been holding onto.  I cried a ton…there was a puddle on the floor…but it felt so good!  I feel so free in Christ and like dancing all of the time.  It also helped me with some areas of doubt and areas that I was holding onto tightly.  It helped me to trust in God’s plan so much more and I am so excited for what He has planned for me next. 

Post any comments, questions, or suggestions for my blog.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  

Prayer and hearing from God

This week has been amazing and challenging.  I have been stretched so much already and God has been so good on carrying me through it.

When I thought about my time from the last post, pray and hearing God's voice stuck out the most.  This week I have been in prayer so much and God has used it to help me hear from Him and to hear what He wants/needs me to hear.  God has been leading me to pray for people and pray things that I would not expect.  He has lead me to go to Him in prayer during times that I have felt helpless or lack of control.  He has brought me to lay things down at His throne that I have been holding onto for so long.  During times of worship, I have been lead by the Lord to pray things out to Him.  To cry out his scripture and how amazing and awesome He is.  It has been such a blessing.  If you are confused by this, that is more then ok.  I have been learning so much and growing so much through these times of prayer.  So please either email me, comment here, or facebook message me for clarification.

Here are some specific times.  Our first weeks topic was Hearing God's Voice.  This basically means discerning if something is from God or not.  This is not usually audible, but can be through peace, the Bible, teachings, words from others, dreams, a feeling (different from emotions), or any other number of ways.  I had been struggling with questioning if I was hearing from God or if it was in fact my thought.  During a quiet time, I was praying in the park...kind of really cold (it is winter here and was in the 40s), and I was praying to God to hear from Him in any way.  I had been questioning other things I had heard if it was me or if it was from Him.  I had been getting really discouraged and had just been trying to rationalize every last thought.  During my time of reading scripture and praying a sense of peace and stillness just quieted my heart.  The thought "I have heard God's voice and I know it" came over my mind.  What?  But how do I know?  I prayed for confirmation from someone else.  Later that night our leaders were sharing about how they hear from God.  Deya (one of my leaders and who will be my mentor during these 6 months...sorry Dawn) spoke about how the way she hears God is through scripture and through a sense of peace.  She shared about a time when she was questioning something and praying on it and God just washed over her with peace.  She said that it does not have to be super complicated.  It was the confirmation I needed.

One other way that I am growing in prayer is in Intercessory prayer.  This means praying for others on their behalf.  Pleading for them before God for His will to be done in their life.  God has, for a while, placed the the indigenous youth on my heart.  On Friday, our teaching was on Intercession.  God so placed it in my heart to be a real intercessor for them.  To pray for them daily, to go into the throne room of God and be their advocate and cry out for them.  It is intense.  I did it for the first time last night and then again this morning.  So please be praying for endurance in this.  I also feel that God is calling me to be an answer to these prayers to.  I so desire to see them break the bonds of addiction and of generational hurt and be free from these things.  I am actually getting to know a chance to go to an Indigenous church on Sunday and I will also have the option of teaching Sunday school.

I love the people here and I am learning so much about myself and God.  Please be praying for us next week, especially, the topic is repentance and forgiveness and I have been told that it is an especially hard week.  

Conversations…so much talking

One moment of business, but then I will get to the good stuff.  I will be trying my best to post once a week.  I don’t have internet at 228 (the house I am staying at), so I can only connect when I am at base.  School has also started so I am now busier then ever.

NOW the topic at hand.  Conversations!  I have had so many great conversations with people and I just want to share a few of them (sometimes I will share names and sometime I wont).  God has so blessed me through these conversations. 

Within the first couple of days, when we had heaps of free time, I met a few cool people from outside of the base.  One day, we went to the beach.  It was absolutely amazing.  On our way there I started to get to know people from the other DTSs.  DTS stands for Discipleship Training School.  Nothing too special, but nice to connect with people I did not know before.  The beach was amazing, just in case you doubted.  On the way home from the beach, a student named Ben and I spoke with two foreigners.  One’s name was Nikko.  He is German and Spanish.  He is backpacking through wherever he can.  He is working at a hostile for room and board and just making ends meet to survive.  Ben and him got right into a conversation about human trafficking, which was cool.  When Ben started talking to his friend, Nikko and I talked about my tattoos.  It lead to us talking about why I have them.  It was not anything earth shattering, but I was just so excited to share a bit of my reasoning for getting them and why I follow Christ.  

The next day, the sport DTS was playing rugby across the street from 228 and I went with a couple of music DTSers to watch and try to attempt to figure out the rules.  Our poor, poor attempt at guessing led to a long conversation with a Kiwi (a person from New Zealand).  Her name is Mel and she just moved here to be with her partner, who plays professionally, I believe that is the case.  She is/was a PE and health teacher.  We talked forever about New Zealand and American schools comparing the two and talking about kids.  Some things we found to be very different, but we found that we bother work with poorer kids and that they are basically the same.  Like their need for teachers believing in them and the importance of encouraging and pushing kids to do what others say they can’t.  I so hope to speak with her again and become her friend (I really like her).  I found out a couple days later that her and her partner are mates with the older brothers of someone in MY DTS!  How amazing is that?  So there is a total opportunity to get to know her more.

I have had so many great conversations with people in 228 and the few DTSers living at other houses.  I have really started to connect with some of them.  I generally ask, so what brought you here?  Why are you doing a DTS?  That opens so much conversation and has really helped me see people’s hearts and has helped me to know how to pray for many of them…something I so want to grow in.  I have really connected with a girl from Dallas named Brittany.  I might have mentioned her before.  I feel like her and I are going to be good friends.  She has called me (to her family) he fun friend.  She is also 26 (there are 3 females that are 26).  We connected over that immediately.  Her and I both got to school early, so we had some extra bonding time.  The other night was when we walked and really had a good talk.  We spoke about orientation and registration and some cool God moments.  We had not started school yet.  I shared about some awesome God orchestrated meetings with women who run/know the people that run the ministries that I so feel God has called me to be part of.  Praise God for that.  I am excited to get involved and see what God has planned for me in these ministries. 

So keep praying for awesome conversations, these are only three of so many.  I am so excited for getting to know people more.  Tonight, we are having team hangout at our leaders’ Matty and Deya’s house.  I am excited for team bonding.  Also pray that I am open and able to hear God’s voice (that is the lecture topic this week).  Well since I don’t know when you will read this: good morning, good afternoon, and good evening.