I had a good night sleep last night, kind of warm but the fans kept the breeze going. Rachel left me a pleasant message last night or maybe this morning. I was able to take a shower, a.k.a. a showerhead from the ceiling where the toilet also is, and then journal from 7am until 9:30 am. I think I’m still on Manila time.
We had breakfast, toast and eggs. Then we had worship. After going through the airport with my head down and being stared at, I really wanted to worship, as a group, so that I could refocus on Christ and praise Him in keeping me safe. We then went into an extended quiet time. I needed the time to not be busy and just sit with the Lord, read His word, and mediate on them. We also received our prayer partner assignments for the week. I have Rachel. I really feel God calling me to minister to her and maybe help guide her in His will for her. Yet at the same time it’s hard to do that because I want to be ministered to and nurtured because I can feel so tired and like I have given too much. But I should and have to trust in the Lord’s ways and will.
During QT (quiet time), I did the ‘required’ devotional and then talked about prayer requests with Rachel. I wish there had been more time to do some meditation. Then we had lunch. I felt embarrassed, foolish, dumb, and filled with confusion. During lunch I sat across form the BSFB (Bangladesh InterVarsity) staff. At one point Lauren and I filled our water bottles with cold water from the table and I guess this was wrong because they started talking to each other and the guy who works at the Grace House. It was also weird that we were the only two girls sitting by them because we were not sure how much we were suppose t talk to them, or if we were not suppose to start the conversation, because they are men. But I believe they were being gracious to us for they gave us more cold water.
We then went into male and female separate debriefing time. This was food because it gave us time to talk and process what had been going on so far. I really thought about how I was feeling when I was walking through the airport. I felt like a white woman. I was aware for the first time that I was white. I have always known it but I have never been so aware of it. Also I could feel every man’s eyes that was staring at me. I didn’t know if they were just curious or if they were thinking something else. I heard people laughing who were standing by us. I scanned across the area, making sure not to make eye contact (which would be flirting), and there were a few people pointing. I felt not like a proud independent woman, but like a show or amusement to be stared at. These were some things we talked about.
From there we went to hearing about Bengali culture from Peter who runs Grace House. We also heard the testimonies from the BSFB workers. I’m still trying to learn their names. We were told then that we would be going shopping. I was in a group with Dan, Zach, Beth, Lauren, and a staff worker (Jotti).
This time was so frustrating and not because of the male/female roles or because of staring, but because many places did not have my size. A few times I asked if they had size 44 (or rather Jotti did for me) and I got an “OH NO” or a chuckle.
(The following part has been added in retrospect.) I am not a girl who has a problem with the way my body is but it was just hard to be so highly criticized by so many people in one day. The women of Bangladesh are generally tiny and I was just bigger than them. (End of retrospect.)
It was nice to talk to some shopkeepers; most of them practiced their English on us. We also stayed out too late. I did not enjoy walking through the streets in the dark. This made me feel unsafe, especially when the rest of the group walked a bit faster than me. But we made it back safe. We then had dinner. I was for sure more comfortable then.
Afterwards, I got to talk to Ling. Here and I see and believe a lot of things in a similar light. We are considered to be liberal and conservative all at the same time. It was so refreshing to talk about something that is comfortable for me to talk about with another person. Also this was a time to get to know Ling better. We joked about with Darren too, which was so much fun. I then came back to the room and attempted to crash. I was woken up by Rachel, Bath, and Lauren talking. Rachel had just gotten back from talking with Ray and Danielle. She needs prayer and guidance so that’s what I will give her. Then I did finally get to sleep.
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