Bangladesh Journal 7/13/06

Thursday:
I get to spend 12 hours of less on a bus today.  We are going to Cox's Bazar.  I'm excited to spend time with people on the bus and for the whole weekend.  I'm also really looking forward to swimming in the Indian Ocean.  I got to sit next to Phil on the bus.  I sat close to the back.  This was by far the nicest bus I have ever been on.  They said First Class and they meant it.  2 seats on one side, 1 on the other.  They are fat leather ones with recliner feet rests with massagers in them.  It was also A/C, which is the only thing I had hoped for.  It was really good to talk to Phil and Sarah.  We talked about God, faith, the gifts of the Spirit, and whether something in life are suppose to be 'gray'.  I don't need to understand everything about god in order to believe, so at times I have faith 'like a child' and am very much ok with the 'gray' area.
We stopped at one rest stop.  There were urinals or rather squaties for men out for everyone to see.  I found that in Asia, it is not impolite to pee in public, but rather impolite to look (or at least in Bangladesh).  Also I learned that there is no such thing as lines, but it is very much a first come, first serve type thing.  When we re-boarded I got to talk with Sean.  I really enjoy talking with him.  He shared about what he has been thinking about.  Also he asked about me and my thoughts.  Every once in a while Kyle would jump in.  A few things times he said a harsh comment that kind of cut me a bit, but now that I think about it, God might be using him to make me examine myself in a very real way.  Sean and I also talked about his site.  I'm excited about what God is going at their site.
When I look out the window, I really saw a difference between Dhaka and the villages.  There were so many more women with head and face coverings.  I have never seen this many rice fields before.  At one point we saw a woman who had gotten hut by a car on the side of the road; we prayed for her.  There were water ways and little dirt paths to islands.  It was really beautiful.  We crossed the 'bridge of hell', it wasn't very scary, just narrow.
When we finally got to Motel Upal, Cox's Bazar, we got to pick out roomie.  Sarah and I picked one another.  When we were moving in, we really got to talk. We were talking about how each of the people in our community is very unique, like a different body part, so for fun we decided who each person would be.  so much fun.  As we were finishing and heading down to the lobby for dinner, Zach and Kyle overheard us and asked questions; from there the whole thing spread like wild fire. It was a topic of conversation at dinner...fun times.  When we got back to the room Sarah and I both journaled for a while.
A guy who works for the hotel stopped by to spray the room for smell and bugs...this totally freaked Sarah and I out.  She ran into the bathroom and I got dressed (I already had my PJs on) and answered the door.  I really enjoy staying with Sarah...never a dull moment.

Bangladesh Journal 7/12/06

By request I will be posting my old Bangladesh Journals (from where I left off):

Today no one went to their site, from the people who stayed at Grace House.  We went to hear a speaker at Dhaka University.  The speaker is from America and spoke on the different denominations in the US.  This was  very hard for me because I disagreed with many of his views and things he said.  I didn't feel as though he was lead by the Spirit, partly because he does not believe in the Trinity.  I tried to pray for him and what he was saying, but it was hard.  After the talk, we were taken to the head of the World Religion department's office.  This was the first and one of the only world religion departments in a Muslim nation.
From there we went to the British Council, which was air conditioned and so awesome.  They had a great children's learning center.  I had been feeling sick before but the cool air helped me to feel better.  From there we went back ti the Grace House for lunch.  A few team makes were being negative about the Trek in general. I agreed that certain things sucked, but they started to complain about people and worship meetings.  I was left feeling discouraged for them.  They came all this way and had this type of attitude.
We had debriefing about the speaker.  A few people felt similar to m, but it was encouraging to hear and be reminded of some good things that happened and were said.  After we had prayer and worship, I felt like this was good but I wasn't 100% focused on God and what I was saying and doing.  Before debriefing, the groups that has been at their sites all week came back.  I was so happy to see all their faces at worship.  We had dinner and I got to really catch up with people.  We also had debriefing as one large group.  I loved hearing every one's thoughts, emotions, and how their week went.  When we were done we had an hour to pack before going to bed.  We are going on a retreat tomorrow.  I'm excited.  We are also 1/2 done with the trip: 23 days done, 23 to go.  I can't believe we have been here this long.  I can't believe that I'm half way to being able to tell my story with everyone.

Bangldesh Journal: Tuesday July 11, 2006

Today there was absolutely the worst rain storm/down pour ever. Traffic was at a standstill and the exhaust fumes were getting into the van, thus making the sick people sicker. For instance, Caleb threw up outside of the World Concern site (we carpooled). So he did not stay at the clinic; he went back to Grace House. I was supposed to lead the devotional this morning but we were so late due to weather and traffic. When we got there, they were finishing their devotional on Ester. I was stationed at reception again and I was totally excited about it.
Due to rain the early morning was not busy at all, so I showed all the people I work with pictures of my family and friends. I drew such a huge crowd; this was in part due to the fact that there were 0 patients. At one point Agnes left and that’s when I had to fill out the book, cards, and forms for 2 patients. One of the ‘security’ guys helped me, Ramon. I was sort of excited about this, but still very slow and nervous. The rest of the morning, when Agnes got back, was at a normal pace. She and I were working well as a team; we were getting a good ‘flow’.
Also there was a patient’s daughter who had to sit out by us. She was so curious and stared at me a lot. At one point she found a friend and they totally were sitting there looking at me and talking. They were super cute. I had bought gum and I gave them each half a piece. It took some pushing for them to take it because in Bangladesh it is not polite or good to seem needy, wanting, or eager. I also got to chat with the Assistant Manager. He used to be part of BSFB when he was in University. It was so fun talking to him because he was eager to talk and practice his English.
We went back to the Grace House for lunch. We had free time (aka sleep and other activities). When the World Concern people got back Bath went straight to sleep in Sarah’s bed (Sarah was away for the week at her site). We were concerned about her physically and emotionally because she had not wanted to talk to anyone. Later that night we had prayer and worship to intercede for the city. It was a very good time spiritually. My stomach was doing summersaults. We prayed over Caleb because of how sick he has been. After we did that we prayed over Milan, the cook’s son. Milan had sung worship songs with us earlier. I really pray that he grows up to be the man of Christ that he could be.
When I got back to the room Beth was up talking to people. She was feeling frustrated. Lauren had gotten an email via Ray telling her that her sister had left the Canadian Armed Forces, wheat she had wanted to do for over 6 years. We all talked more and then went to bed.

Monday July 10, 2006

Today was my first day at our official and now permanent work site: The Saidabad Clinic. It actually was started by Americans. I was stationed at the receptionist desk and was told to help make cards with the patients name, age, date, and number on them with a plastic covering. The girl I worked with, Agnes, was nice. She doesn’t speak a lot of English, but was very cheerful and used others that know how to speak English to communicate with me. Zach had this job before, when I was sick, and he thought it was boring. I guess you could say it is, but I find things to do. For instance, I pray for the people coming into the clinic, I practiced listening for ages, I know #1-20, and little things like that. We only stay for half the day because we ate lunch at Grace House. When everyone is feeling better we will have an afternoon site, but that might not be until next week.
I got to take a nap, which helped me to feel recharged. (I really need to stop writing half a day of journals and then leaving it, because when I do go back I no longer remember when I wrote it or what happened the rest of the day.) Later I got a few people together to play settlers. I really like this game. Zach won and I came in last due to a conspiring by Caleb and Lauren who try to mess everyone else up because they couldn’t win. That night we were playing cards and we were told to worship. We had originally met to see a slide show of picks from Old Dhaka. Adriel was really pushy and kind of harsh especially towards Caleb. I don’t know if this needs to be addressed, but her words and actions did not leave me with peace. I tried to go to bed early, but my roomies decided to stay up and leave all the lights on. On top of this there was a storm this night.

Bangladesh Journal: Sunday July 9, 2006

The teams left this morning, but Kyle and Sean stayed because they were too sick. I was ordered back to bed. I slept a lot and tried to journal in-between sleeping time. I remembered this morning that in Manila I had said “If God wants me to just sit and pray at the Grace House, I will say ‘OK God. Awesome!’” I didn’t think he would do it, but if that is his will then that’s ok. I have only been able to keep crackers down.
On a plus I’m finally caught up on my journal and I have gotten to pray so much today. In my whole time of being sick, I have tried to rejoice in the Lord and praise his name. When I was feeling a little better, I went upstairs to the conference room. Caleb and Zach were working on a game. They were making Settlers of Catan. It was actually a surprise for Kyle because of how sick he was. I helped even though I had no idea what I was doing and no idea how to play. When they were finished they taught me how to play. Lauren won; she had played before, but had never won. Darren then taught us how to play ‘Big 2”. It’s kind of like Presidents, but with some twists.
Dinner was pretty good. We then had to register at the American Embassy. I got to talk to Ling about me feeling distracted at times. She was really glad I was so willing to share and had some great advice. I tried to go to bed early, but that didn’t work out as well. The other girls stayed up.

Bangladesh Journal: Saturday July 8, 2006

Today was the Sabbath. I got to sleep in (Sarah and Lauren also brought toast to me in bed). We then had a ‘meeting’ to talk about why we should keep the Sabbath. From there we had free time, which was spent ‘50s style in our room. We had to leave at noon to have lunch at a woman’s house, who is a part of BSFB. It was in a pretty nice part of Dhaka. I guess Salam lives down the street. Then we came back and goofed for a while. We also did some heavy duty praying for Andrew who was still sick. Four of us girls wrote him a letter and had it given to him.
We then played cards, but that was stopped by some BSFB student stopping by with board games. Marie, Kyle, Caleb, a BSFB student named Johnny, and myself played LIFE. I forgot how much I loved that game. We didn’t get to finish because it was dinner and the BSFB students had to leave. After dinner, which I ate too much of, there was a prayer meeting. We prayed for the upcoming week and wrote praises on the dry erase board.
Then some girls (Beth, Lauren, and Rachel) worked out, but I hung out with Sarah who had to leave again for her site. I realized her and I are a lot alike in good ways. It was great talking with her. I miss her during the week. After we went to bed what I have decided is the flu or Genghis Khan, attack again. Oh man what a few days.

Bangladesh Journal: Friday July 7, 2006

Today the sickies slept through breakfast and didn’t go to the church. I did QT in Ray and Danielle’s room. I, however, did throw-up the little breakfast I ate. Due to that I slept a lot of the morning till lunch. I showered and went to lunch (just to be with people). Then Lauren and I went back to our ‘hospital bed’ while the people who were well went on a picnic. We played cards, journaled, did more QT, and slept.
I finally felt ok, so I went and hung out with people in my room before dinner. We got mashed potatoes for dinner and our table was the ‘sick’ table. We were actually in pretty good spirits and started to make more “You know you’re in Dhaka when...” jokes. It was a good time. We then played more cards before our debriefing meeting. It was great to hear how everyone’s sire was going and what they have been up for 4 days. After the meeting, the girls in my room plus Sarah talked about a lot of stuff (like healing and struggling while sick). Then we all crashed after a long day/night.

Bangldesh Journal: Thursday July 6, 2006

Today was spent until 5ish in Darren and Ling’s bedroom, which also has A/C with Adriel who also got sick last night, but after me at like 4am. All the groups that had to leave for their sites (far from the Grace House) began to arrive back for the weekend at about 4pm. This was like tourcher for me because I was in my PJs and I couldn’t go out and talk with them and I also did not feel well. I finally got dressed and attempted to mix, but after a while sickness kicked in. So I went to rest in Ray and Danielle’s room where Lauren was because her team (with the exception of Darren and Ling) all got food poisoning at their site.
As the night went on Lauren, Andrew, Phil, Adriel, and I got worse. Beth got better. Andrew was almost taken to the hospital, but instead they brought a doctor to us. Lauren and I didn’t see the doctor, but we saw the doctor that came the next morning. Out of all this junk it was amazing to see how God used it to bring out community closer together. I felt that people really cared because they would stop by to talk, pray, or run and do things for us. God is awesome.
Lauren and I slept in Ray and Danielle’s room (Ray wasn’t there, he slept with the boys). That whole night was one of the loudest thunderstorms I’ve ever experienced in a long time. Lauren and I jumped and startled each other when we were sharing a king bed.

Bangladesh Journal: Wednesday July 5, 2006

Today was a long, hard, trying day. I actually got to go to a slum community with HEED. They were there to collect people’s savings as a part of their micro loan program. The smells were disgusting; there is no other real way to explain it. There were children running up and down the streets in barely anything and with no shoes on. Most homes seemed to be a part of others with connecting doors. They would offer us their beds to sit on, which was a seat of hone and the only place to really sit. I was still so surprised at what I found in their homes: a TV, fine china, name brand toiletries, etc. I was also surprised to see what customs were still in place, like taking shows off before entering the main room. We all did this to be good guests, but we prayed for health. Also their ability to give was amazing.
Then we went to visit a small business owner who used to be on the micro loan program. She was also very giving. We received gifts, pop, and a shirt. She was so proud of her accomplishments. She was making shirts and sweaters that people would wear in the states, but they were being sent to Saudi Arabia. Not everyone received the hospitality as well and there was too much joking about gifts. This was a tad stressful. Then we had lunch. (OH I got to go on my first 3 rickshaw rides.) HEED got us Bangladeshi take-out. It was way spicy and I knew it would make me sick. It was a hard lunch because I was being told to smile as I was starting to feel sick.
From there we went to a woman’s ‘place’. At this sect of HEED women who may be tricked into marriage (it does not have to be registered) or their husbands leave them when they get pregnant, can live and learn a trade and one day give birth and either keep their child or leave it. A lot of women leave their children and they end up getting adopted. Also most girls were under the 18. This was so hard because the babies were abandoned on the streets or are diagnosed with CP and are thought to die in a few months. I really wanted to cry at the thought. They had to keep about eight women in one room, on the floor, sleeping even, with their babies. The conditions would not be acceptable in the USA. I was having a really hard time.
After that we went and saw a place where they made artificial limbs. We couldn’t stay long because the smell of the toxic glue was overwhelming. From there we headed home (Grace House). On the way back we saw many other things that bothered me: children picking through garbage, people bathing in muddy water (glorified puddles), and many slum communities, which were much worse than ones we saw.
When we got back we were told that Peter had told Jotti that a couple of us girls would go to her Bible study with her. This would mean we would run it, because the guests normally are honored in this way (I don’t know if I understand this). Rachel said yes, which everyone had guessed would say yes, and myself, with my stomach feeling bad and after having a really long day, said I would pray about it. Ray called my room like 10 minutes later and said I should really be praying about going so that I could be stretched. We much up and I was livid. STRETCHED!!!! He thought I could/needed to be stretched more that I had already been today. I broke down in tears to Rachel, later Lauren and Bath, about how I was torn about going and how mad I was. I shared how I felt about everything I saw and how I really just wanted to journal. I know that this should have been just a simple choice, but for some reason it wasn’t, in part because I had been volunTOLD to go. So after lots of talking to many people, I decided to just go because no one else wanted to go.
As we went I felt horrible physically. The girls who were at the Bible study lived at this girls' hostel and were my age about. It was a good time; God used the verses he had been focusing me on and my insight for the girls. After the Bible study while the power was out, it goes out every night for an hour, Rachel agreed that we would stay longer. I was feeling really sick so after a while I told Rachel we should leave. It was kind of scary to walk back to the Grace House. Jotti had decided that there was no need for a rickshaw or CNG so we walked up and down the streets and alleys, just us 3 girls in the dark (no street lights and no power). There were also men that would say something to Jotti; Rachel and I did not know what they were saying (we both knew that Danielle would not be happy about this). After I got back (safe and sound) I hung out with people and prayed. At about 11pm the sickness began. Over the course of 30-45 minutes I threw up 10 times. We called Danielle; we have a room phone that can only call other places in the Grace House. Then Mama D, as the girls were joking, swept me downstairs to share a room with her and ‘couch’ (Ray). The room has the option of A/C and they turned it on for me and made up the spare bed too. I feel asleep only awaking a few times to throw up again.

Bangladesh Journal: Tuesday July 4, 2006

I totally forgot it was the fourth of July today until lunch, probably not good. Breakfast was late because it is strike day, so no work. We then had QT. Starting at 11 we got to ‘train’ some BSFB students. Train, basically means tell them what IV is like America and have them tell us what BSFB is like. We all had lunch together. This time was good for the boys but us girls didn’t really have anyone to talk to. For the most of the day there were only two girls, a girl that had a boyfriend and her friend. We got ice cream after and then played games and traded off worship songs.
After we showed them our IV leadership diagram and how to do a manuscript study, we had dinner, just the IV people, followed by playing Dutch blitz, which we tried to teach Milan (the cooks 12 year old son (or so he says), that could pass for 6). It was fun and exciting to see him learn. A lot happened today, but nothing was really life changing or seems important, just fun!

Bangladesh Journal: Monday July 3, 2006

Today was our first day at the blind school. Also all the other groups left for their sites. When we got to the school, no one greeted us. It turns out the principal wasn’t there, but the teachers could of at least said ‘hello’. Danielle got really frustrated. Rachel showed signs of being anxious. I couldn’t tell how Adriel felt. I was just confused about where to go and what to do; yet I was so excited to be there, in a school with children. It turns out that half the school is blind students while the other half are in Regular Ed.
I got to sit in on three classes, after we were assigned. First I was in class 4. There were 4 students, 1 boy and 3 girls. I was there to help with English lessons. I read them a poem and they were to recite it by reading it and then after memorized it. They looked to young compared to the 4th graders I know. I then wrote out English answers to workbook questions the students would be doing later, because the teacher did not have a teachers manual and she said her English is not that good. Then the bell rang and I went to the KG class (kindergarten) to help out with English. These kids are so bright! They can spell so many English words and English is not their first language. I don’t even know many kindergarteners who can spell half as many words. For instance, they spelled giraffe and hippopotamus. They can write it and verbally spell it. I was WOWed. From there, that teacher who was so sweet and amazing took me downstairs to a class 9 for blind students. They were learning about science. In order to prepare for their exams, the teacher would read a multiple-choice question and the choices and they would write them (in Braille) the questions and the answer. These girls have such great memories and were working so fast. How can anyone say that they are disabled? They are more capable than me in so many ways. Then the bell rang for break (play time).
Both Adriel and Rachel thought that this meant lunch and thus meaning time for us to leave but we had only been there for two and a half hours. I got to watch the kids run and play. I also got to attempt to teach them Simon says (didn’t work), but the song “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” was a hit. However before we could finish they ushered us away from everyone into the principles office for tea. No one was there. We had to drink tea alone. I thought that this was totally not like the Bangladeshi culture.
We decided to leave early, Danielle was not happy, Adriel was sick, and Rachel was worn out. No one really seemed to care that we left. We got back and really talked about our experience and talked about our expectations. We then went to lunch, which was followed by napping. Later that night Danielle’s group had a meeting. We were told that we would be moving sites to work with HEED and that Caleb ad Zach would be joining our group. I was ok with this but I knew I would miss the kids and our time as just girls. We talked about this and discusses that this is possibly the end of a season.
After dinner we met as two groups, who both stayed at Grace House. We met on the roof to debrief, give praise, and lift up prayers. This was good. We also prayed over Ray and Danielle who were exhausted and in need of wisdom. I can’t remember what we did after that but it was wither play cards or go to bed (As I am writing this I cam currently a little behind in my journal).

Bangladesh Journal: Sunday July 2, 2006

Well today is Opposition Day, meaning there is protesting and riots all over the city. This means for us that we cannot leave Grace House, which might be a good thing because it is so hot. This also means that almost no one drives because the Police and RAB (Rapid Action Battalion) are out in massive force. So after breakfast this morning, Beth and I looked from the roof to the street and for once there is no honking, empty streets and barely any people walking about. The dance floor has cleared for a brief time.
Due to this we have had a lot of time for site prep, which starts tomorrow. We opened our group time with prayer. Today I was more focused or tried to be, but I had woken up with a headache. It was really good to pray before diving into some things. From there we did a group devotional led by Zach. This was cool and fun. It was great to hear people’s opinions on Bible stories from the Old Testament and their thoughts on Mark 6: 1-6. It’s amazing to see how much faith people have had in God, yet how little those that had known Jesus growing up had faith in His power and authority. I fear that coming home might be like this. That they may not believe in that change that has happened to me and the gifts God has blessed me with, simply because they know who I use to be.
After devotional we started ESL (English as a Second Language) training. Sarah got to lead it since that is her major. The activities they planned were fun. We then had lunch, which was followed by more ESL training. We then were told to read our Bangladesh packet that was filled with info. I discovered that WILLIAM CAREY started the first Non-Catholic church here, thus leading me to think of and miss Carey.
We broke up into groups of two, so I guess pairs to present a portion of the information. I was with Beth and we covered the Dos and Don’ts. Lauren and Adriel wrote a song for their info. I thought it was awesome. Then we wrote a ‘testimony’ or rather a response for people who ask ‘Why are you here?’ This all took a really long time.
Then we got back together with our site leaders; they had been having meetings and preparing for tomorrow pretty much all day. Our group prayed for Danielle; she has a heavy heart and she broke a tooth on a piece of pita bread; that’s talent. It was weird because all day, if I saw Danielle leave a room suddenly or look saddened or whatever, I just automatically assumed it was about a baby and I have no idea why. I think I’m going to share this with here at some point.
We then went to dinner. Afterwards, we had a whole trek meeting. Marie shared about people’s sarcasm really hurting her. Some people apologized, which was good. It was then time to head to our rooms. I saw Sarah looking sad. So I went to talk to her and cheer her up. We talked and laughed a ton. I whipped out my man voice for her. She has decided to call that persona Biff. But it made her happy and that was awesome. It was also great to get to know her better. We also started a quote wall, which I love. Then we all went to ‘bed’. Lauren, Rachel, and myself talked until 12:30.

Bangladesh Journal: Saturday July 1, 2006

Well it’s Canada Day and Lauren is totally going all out. She made flags, copies of the anthem (English and French) and decorated the breakfast room. She started to do this when she was waiting to use the phone, but the Internet was down, we were using an Internet phone. I helped sing the Anthem at breakfast, Lauren also had people read Psalm 72; this is where Canada gets its motto. It was awesome to do this.
We also decided to make the Sabbath on Saturday because work starts on Sunday here (Fridays is the Islamic holy day). So there was NOTHING planned except for meals, finally a time to relax. So breakfast was an hour later and we had a lot of free time. I slept for like and hour and a half. Then Lauren and myself played cards with Kyle, Dan, Zach, and Caleb. We played Oh Nuts!, and 6 handed euchre. It was like being at home and playing with friends and family. More of what I needed.
Then there was lunch and then more cards. We (the group and myself) went out and bough lungies (meaning the boys did) and pop (Coke AND Pepsi). Followed by more cards. The time flew by; it was a great way to relax, and to get to know the guys better.
At times it was like being with my cousins (the joking), but still very different. It’s also interesting to see how Caleb is already starting to change. On Friday night Lauren and I called some of his behavior to his attention and he has already started to make changes. Also the guys called me out on my competitiveness. I can be a sore loser and a not perfect winner.
So as the day was going by I made sure to watch my attitude and when I was feeling upset I would turn to God and look to see why I was feeling the way I was feeling. He has found the most interesting places to meet with me and begin to change me. We had dinner followed by a time of group prayer. I knew that after prayer I would be able to call home (IT WAS WORKING). So I was a tad impatient during prayer and God called me out on this. I do need to work on being patient especially being focused on the task at hand, in this case prayer and lifting things up to Christ.
I still did get to talk to my parents. YAY praise God. It was awesome to hear their voices. I was able to tell them I was feeling better. But it made me realize more so that I do miss them. It was encouraging to have them tell me they are so prod of me and that they and so many others are praying for me and the rest of the group.
After the phone call, I heard people singing ‘Oh Canada”. I found that the leaders had gotten a cake for Canada Day so that Lauren would feel a little at home. It was awesome. Asian Cakes are so different then our cakes; the frosting wasn’t really sweet it was more like butter. I think go to watch the end of the football game. IT was England vs. Portugal. England lost (Beckham and another awesome player were out, oh so I am told). It’s always crazy to see how much the rest of the world loves football. The world cup is huge; every building has a different team flag on it (mostly Brazil and Argentina, who are both out now). It was close to 12:45 am when I finally got to go to bed and crash.

Bangladesh Journal: Friday June 30, 2006

Well in Bangladesh the weekend starts on Friday. We got to go to church. It was cool to go to church in another country; I was surprised the whole service was in English. They said they were going to play some new songs and they were songs that I have sung before. It was amazing to see how strong their passion for God and worshipping Him is. The youth led worship, so it will be interesting to see how worship is different next week.
We got free time for a lot of the day. I played cards, talked and just hung-out, which was much needed. When us girls were talking, we realized how weird of a place this is for gender roles to come up. Then we got to have Bible study with the BSFB persons. Andrew got to talk about Heaven. For most of the time following I had no idea what was being said. But it was cool to hear passionate prayers in another language. The group also prayed for us. It was cool that they all prayed in Bengali (except Peter). We had no idea what they were saying, but that is like prayer from him, both are good prayers to God for you even though you don’t know what is being said.
Then we all went upstairs for tea and sweetbread. I talked with a few BSFB people but mostly Jotti, Nohemiah, and Elias. They are the staff who have been helping us. Then we had a somewhat late dinner. Then I got to do my first load of laundry (YAY), all hand washed. Then I went to bed.
Oh I totally forgot, before laundry but after dinner a bunch of us sat around and talked about boy and girl relations and how they view certain things (this is what I mean by gender roles). Then we played cards until 1 am. This was so much fun but a bad idea because we could call home starting at 7am, but that’s life!

Bangladesh Journal: Thursday June 29, 2006

Today started out rough. I felt really sick to my stomach, but I went to breakfast in hopes of settling it. That didn’t happen. I threw up. So I stayed in bed until lunch. Everyone else, but Rachel, ran errands and took rickshaws around town. Rachel and I played one set of cards, slept, I puked one other time, and she had traveler’s diarrhea. But we talked a lot which was good.
After lunch we went to HEED (Heather Education Economics Development) of Bangladesh. The whole time I heard this guy talk, I thought about how my Dad could make a partnership with them and his idea for a Missional Corp. They were really nice and fed us snacks and gave us chai tea. Then we came back.
We had Internet access, so we took turns. While we waited I played cards with people. I learned Sarah’s game of ‘Oh Nuts!” and I won. We also played Kinds Cornered, which was fun. Then we ran out of time for the Internet because we had dinner. Everyone before had 25-30 minutes; the people after dinner only had 10 minutes. That kind of really sucked. I was kind of mad. It had been such a hard sucky day that I could have cried and I expressed this in an email (maybe a bad idea).
Then after I was done with the Internet I went to get my cards. I heard people laughing and I went to see what was up. Beth, Lauren, Andrew, Nohemiah, and Elias (BSFB staff) were talking and joking. God knew I needed laughter and community so He provided it. We laughed so hard. Elias (who I now call Charlie) was trying to eat but couldn’t. After laughing so hard we went to bed. I then got to talk to Adriel and Sarah with Lauren. That was more community that I needed. Praise God who provides all things.

Bangladesh Journal: Wednesday June 28, 2006

I woke up this morning to the sound of Lauren’s alarm (5:15am). She didn’t hear it. After this morning, I really feel like I could be very easy to get unto a set comfortable schedule, which is not what this trip is suppose to be about. I do not want to be comfortable to the point where I could slip into easy ways or comfortable ways of acting. Breakfast was good. So was QT. I have become more comfortable with the girls and my body. Since it is so hot we walk around in the bare minimum of necessary clothing. Not that I ever hated my body or felt big, but after yesterday it was good to feel like my body is OK and to be comfortable in what would make me feel temperature cool.
Then we had a time of worship. We began that time by praying for the staff so many of them are so worn out. They are not getting QTs, they have meeting instead. I can’t imagine how draining that must be. Then we went into a time of songs and scripture being read aloud. God has truly gifted Adriel with a heart for worship that honors HIM. Everything worked together like the “dance of Bangladesh”. That phrase Sarah said as we were driving through traffic from the airport. She said it all was a dance. Then when she went out into the streets she was excited to be part of the dance. It is truly beautiful to think about. And like a dance there are parts that are faster or slower, and quiet or loud. Also every once in a while someone missteps and there is something off, but the dance keeps going
After worship we did language lessons. Like usual I may pick up at first but I have a problem retaining it. So I will need to practice. From there we broke up into 4 groups to do observation in three places and prayer. I got to go down the streets, through the mall, and up on the roof. I felt more comfortable walking down the streets and through the mall. I felt like I could walk with my head at its normal height, they said keeping your head down draws more attention. I also look around where I am walking, but still my line of vision never lingering and never making eye contact. The groups rotated so I got to go everywhere and pray. I, however, was not comfortable on the roof. There were men working on the roof of the factory, a couple building down, who stopped working to stare at our group. I don’t know why, curious or for other reasons, but I could not just walk by like in the streets. I became very uncomfortable. Also there was a smell of garbage from on top of a different building that I could not escape. The smell reminded me of when my mom worked at United Airlines and there was a dumpster by the loading docks, which we had to go by sometimes when she would drop off uniforms or take things form her office. It’s weird to smell something that was once so familiar so far away from home.
We then had lunch. The rice and chicken were absolutely amazing, but due to being so hot I didn’t want to eat a lot. We then had more language lessons. At times I know what the BSFB staff wanted to say in English or communicate to us, so I help along and he/she is glad for that, but I feel like I am once again translating for Hilary before she decided to talk. I need to just soak it in more before I’ll be comfortable saying anything.
After this we had free time. I journaled and then played cards with Sarah, Lauren, and Megan. I learned how to play Dutch blitz. After that a couple of us went shopping for our outfits; I had only found one the day before. This was another NOT fun experience. I actually hit my breaking point and began to in the store. Some girls who were wearing the same size as me were able to find clothes, but when I went to try them on, the shoulders were too tight, the back was too tight, or something like that. It just sucked. It is really funny how I can go through this roller coaster of emotions. Also it was dark out so I was frustrated about that. There are no streetlights so you can’t really see anything as you walk from one store to the next.
Well what made the night a little better was dinner. It was really good, and we had some ice cream. Oh I needed and wanted that. We then had a speaker (Rana). I guess he is going to come and speak every week. He was really good, outgoing, and interesting to listen to, yet I didn’t understand everything he had to day. He is blunt and doesn’t beat around the bush, which is also good. He told a story that I didn’t understand at first. “In the woods there was a jackal who was crippled. There was also a tiger that had to kill his dinner every night. The tiger would eat his food and then throw the scraps to the crippled jackal. One day a healthy jackal sat by the crippled jackal. The tiger say this and ate the jackal.” Rana never said which jackal the tiger ate but I will have to think and pray about what this story means. After that I crashed really hard and went to sleep quickly.

Bangldesh Journal: Tuesday June 27, 2006

I had a good night sleep last night, kind of warm but the fans kept the breeze going. Rachel left me a pleasant message last night or maybe this morning. I was able to take a shower, a.k.a. a showerhead from the ceiling where the toilet also is, and then journal from 7am until 9:30 am. I think I’m still on Manila time.
We had breakfast, toast and eggs. Then we had worship. After going through the airport with my head down and being stared at, I really wanted to worship, as a group, so that I could refocus on Christ and praise Him in keeping me safe. We then went into an extended quiet time. I needed the time to not be busy and just sit with the Lord, read His word, and mediate on them. We also received our prayer partner assignments for the week. I have Rachel. I really feel God calling me to minister to her and maybe help guide her in His will for her. Yet at the same time it’s hard to do that because I want to be ministered to and nurtured because I can feel so tired and like I have given too much. But I should and have to trust in the Lord’s ways and will.
During QT (quiet time), I did the ‘required’ devotional and then talked about prayer requests with Rachel. I wish there had been more time to do some meditation. Then we had lunch. I felt embarrassed, foolish, dumb, and filled with confusion. During lunch I sat across form the BSFB (Bangladesh InterVarsity) staff. At one point Lauren and I filled our water bottles with cold water from the table and I guess this was wrong because they started talking to each other and the guy who works at the Grace House. It was also weird that we were the only two girls sitting by them because we were not sure how much we were suppose t talk to them, or if we were not suppose to start the conversation, because they are men. But I believe they were being gracious to us for they gave us more cold water.
We then went into male and female separate debriefing time. This was food because it gave us time to talk and process what had been going on so far. I really thought about how I was feeling when I was walking through the airport. I felt like a white woman. I was aware for the first time that I was white. I have always known it but I have never been so aware of it. Also I could feel every man’s eyes that was staring at me. I didn’t know if they were just curious or if they were thinking something else. I heard people laughing who were standing by us. I scanned across the area, making sure not to make eye contact (which would be flirting), and there were a few people pointing. I felt not like a proud independent woman, but like a show or amusement to be stared at. These were some things we talked about.
From there we went to hearing about Bengali culture from Peter who runs Grace House. We also heard the testimonies from the BSFB workers. I’m still trying to learn their names. We were told then that we would be going shopping. I was in a group with Dan, Zach, Beth, Lauren, and a staff worker (Jotti).
This time was so frustrating and not because of the male/female roles or because of staring, but because many places did not have my size. A few times I asked if they had size 44 (or rather Jotti did for me) and I got an “OH NO” or a chuckle.
(The following part has been added in retrospect.) I am not a girl who has a problem with the way my body is but it was just hard to be so highly criticized by so many people in one day. The women of Bangladesh are generally tiny and I was just bigger than them. (End of retrospect.)
It was nice to talk to some shopkeepers; most of them practiced their English on us. We also stayed out too late. I did not enjoy walking through the streets in the dark. This made me feel unsafe, especially when the rest of the group walked a bit faster than me. But we made it back safe. We then had dinner. I was for sure more comfortable then.
Afterwards, I got to talk to Ling. Here and I see and believe a lot of things in a similar light. We are considered to be liberal and conservative all at the same time. It was so refreshing to talk about something that is comfortable for me to talk about with another person. Also this was a time to get to know Ling better. We joked about with Darren too, which was so much fun. I then came back to the room and attempted to crash. I was woken up by Rachel, Bath, and Lauren talking. Rachel had just gotten back from talking with Ray and Danielle. She needs prayer and guidance so that’s what I will give her. Then I did finally get to sleep.

Bangladesh Journal: Monday June 26, 2006

Well it has been a week since I have been home. This morning I got a rather rude awakening. I put my feet down on the group and there was an inch and a half of water. Last night a pipe burst and there was flooding. Everything, but Marie’s bags, was wet. I had, luckily or rather by God’s grace, put my backpack and purse on top of my big bad and had most of my things in plastic bags. But I still had to send my red bag to get dried. We had a rush to save what was dry, by the way I was the first to get up and I told the girls who all jumped out of bed. After I got everything tat was we, including my bag to the drier and after I bagged everything that had not been in a hefty bad, I got to the shower and kind of got ready. Our floor was so gross, no one can believe.
We then had a quick breakfast. During this time I didn’t want to eat because I was frustrated, wet, and a million other things, but I was shown some great community. Even though there was food right in the next room, Sean offered me food. That is exactly what I needed this morning. I needed someone willing to give of him/herself for me, and God knew that and He used Sean. Praise God, who meets all needs.
So then we loaded up the bus and headed for the airport. It was crazy to see Manila again when I was more awake. There are three lanes but they act as if there are four. I saw slums by waterways, under bridges, next to anything. They looked as if they were not real but out of a magazine or commercial. At one point, I saw a couple of houses that were by a dump truck. I wondered if they had picked that place because the dump truck parked there (access to trash). We finally got to the airport, unloaded the bus and then entered the airport. We then waited about an hour before checking in because Danielle’s laptop was not found. We finally found out it was on the bus, which was back at the house we had been staying at which was an hour away. So she had to leave t there.
We checked n, ate our bag lunches and then began our trip through security. Manila’s security is tighter than anything I have ever experiences. For instance, you have to show your ticket and passport to get in the airport. Then you have to do the same after you check in. You then pay a tax, which was $10.50 US or 550 pesos. Then you walk through a terminal towards your gate. When you hit the next checkpoint you things go through x-ray machines and you walk through a metal detector, which you already did when you got to the airport. Finally everyone has to go through a pat down. It took pretty much everything in me to not laugh when she felt my butt with both hands. Then there is another ticket check in so that you wan sit in the waiting area…WOW!
We then boarded the flight going to Singapore. I got to sit next to Phil on the plane. We flew Singapore Airlines. By far the best flight EVER! We could pick our own movie and the seats had TVs in the headrests. The rows always had just 3 seats and were rather large.
Phil and I sat by a woman who is from India. She travels a lot. It was cool to talk to hear. I then watched Sabrina the remake. I had watched the original before I left and had wanted to watch the remake, but ran out of time. We had great food too. When we made it to Singapore, I was amazed. It was so beautiful, from the plane. I loved it. There were ships everywhere. It looked so clean and small. The airport matched. There was a huge mall. Sarah and I wondered around. We sent emails from the free Internet hub, only 15 minutes allowed. We got a bit of a rip off. I guess there is a place where you can call home at 8 cents a minutes, but we got phone cards for 20 cents a minute. But that is life. It was great to talk to my family. They told me I sounded great. It was my Mom’s first day at work so they were up at 6am. Oh it was just great to talk to them.
Then we went to the gate. We had to go through an x-ray machine and metal detector to get to our waiting area. They thought my toys for the kids were weapons. They saw that they had clearly made a mistake. From that point on I had to take on a submissive persona. There were Bengali men there. We then loaded the plane, which was really empty. I got to sit by Lauren and Kyle. We watched the movie 8 below. Once again TVs in the headrests and my pick of movies, but this time you could not stop and rewind. We then played hearts, which I royally sucked at.
We finally arrived in Bangladesh at 11pm. The guys were good at walking with and around us women at all times. We went through customs, which was a little nerve racking because I couldn’t understand the customs officers and I could not look him in the eye. And they had turned away Rachel because she didn’t have an address of where we were going to stay. But we all got through. We picked up our bags. We had been praying about going through the final security check where they can tax you for what you bring in. We were worried because we were bringing in sound equipment as a gift; Ray was worried it would be taxed or taken away. The Holy Spirit was with us; we were told to walk right through, NO x-ray, NO questions, NO anything.
When we got outside we saw Peter, who was waiting for us. He runs the Grace House. He was happy to see us. We then walked to where he had parked. This got a little scary, because it was dark and there were a lot of staring men. Us girls kept our heads down and stayed pretty quiet. We finally got all of our bags loaded and all of us loaded into the cars. At this point a guy tried to get money from us by saying that he had helped us, he hadn’t and saying we owe him, which would bring shame to us. We then shut the door and left. It was bad that us women were out at night it is simply not done. The guys sat by every door and the girls in the middle and back, no door access. No one could see us, which was good.
Then I had the craziest ride of my life. There were 3-lane traffic but 4 rows of cars plus people walking and motorcycles swerving through. They use horns non-stop and drive on the left side of the road. I was amazed. We then made it to Grace House. It is a small building in bade but it is 5 stories tall. I am staying on the 3rd floor in a room with Rachel, Beth, Lauren, Adriel, and Sarah (Adriel and Sarah are in a connecting room). We opened the room in prayer. This was a blessing because I wanted to pray for Hilary, she has a roommate situation at camp and my mom and for the girls.
Oh I just remembered that when I saw Dhaka (the capital) from the plane it was amazing! I could see the lights and the cars moving. I prayed for the city them.
We then had a special prayer for Hilary, after I shared what I was told. We headed upstairs for a late night snack, which they had prepared for us. It was good, but I was not hungry. We also got to go on the rooftop and see the city. There is a factory next door; people were working at 12:30 at night. I’m hoping it is not a sweatshop and that they are either 2nd or 3rd shift workers. It would be nicer to work at night though, not as hot and no sun.
We then went to bed. There is a contest going on, who can kill the most cockroaches. It started in Manila. At this point, the score is Sean and Caleb each have 1, me with 4 and Ray with 8. After last night Sarah has 1 and I have 9! I got to go to bed, but not before Lauren screamed because one flew into her hair, these bugs can fly. I might not have to use my mosquito net, they have some here, plus mine needs to be hung from the ceiling and I can because of the two ceiling fans. I might let someone use it or just not use it at all. It is good to be where I will be staying for 5 weeks. Praise God we made it safe to the other side of the world.

Bangladesh Journal: Sunday June 25, 2006

Well today is my last day in Manila, or rather my last full day. I can’t believe how much time has gone by, yet I feel as though god has already done so much. I woke up this morning with a little shred of my headache, but it is the Sabbath, our day of rest. We are going to honor the Sabbath in as Biblical way as possible. I did this at Cedar Campus and I like it and I am going to pray about when God wants me to observe His day of rest, when I get home. We were allowed to sleep in, YAY! Then we had a time of worship. We were told that we would be having a retreat of silence from about 9:45 pr 10am until 1pm. I love ROS (retreat of silence). I have experienced how god can really use them. And He hasn’t let me down this time. I really saw Him in His word. Also it was so great to process from the day before.
After ROS we went into group time, and then we broke up into site teams. I am really growing in love for my group. I also feel as though God wants to use me in Rachel’s life this summer and to build a bond that last when we get back; she does to school 45 minutes from me. We shared a little about ourselves, Danielle and myself. Through my story of Doug, Danielle gave me a challenge, to rebuild trust in all men when they mess up, because that will happen, they are human. After that we made a covenant. Oh and we wrote down prayer requests and areas we have learned. I was surprised what God brought to my attention.
From there we had free time…in the rain. A bunch of us went swimming. We played Marco Polo, sharks and minnows, colors, and we made up blind numbers. We then got ready for dinner. After dinner, we had a commissioning service. This was AMAZING. We prayed for our leaders, each other, for our trek, for everything, and for everyone. When I was being commissioned God gave Ray a picture of God and me dancing for Joy. I will hold onto this image tightly. I think God wants me to rejoice in Him and with Him always and that is what I think that image means.
From there we prayed with each other. But before that we prayed for students who don’t have support from their earthly parents. Leaders prayed for them and then they sat down. During the time when students were getting prayed for, God gave me His words for Rachel. I can’t even remember what I said but they were in part what she needed to hear. Then God gave me words of comfort and affirmation for a girl sitting to my right who I have NEVER talked to and didn’t even know her name. I am so amazed how God never ceases! I also prayed for Sarah. I feel so blessed that God has given me a heart for prayer. After the service, we went back to our rooms and packed for leaving on Monday. Then we of course talked and Marie prayed a goodnight prayer. We all feel asleep rather quickly.

Bangladesh Journal: Saturday June 24, 2006

When I woke up, I said to Beth, “Today is going to be a LONG day,” having really no idea that this was an insight from God. We had a great time or worship. Darren and Ling led. We did a song called “Sweetly Broken”. During this song I asked God to break my heart and how he wanted to break it. We then went into quiet time and later a speaker (Father Ben). I loved him. He has been the best speaker so far. He is from Smokey Mountain, which is famous for being a burning garbage mountain in Manila. His vision is infectious; he said that he was sorry for inflicting us with it. He said that this will be a journey of solitude, a journey to help find out who we are, and a quest of spirituality. He really spoke to my heart when he talked of the Holy Spirits’ guidance and leading being better than being organized and prepared. This is because our God is a God of surprises. Father Ben was bursting with wisdom and humor; at one point he quoted Backstreet Boys (“show me the meaning of being lonely.”)
Relating to my entry from yesterday, he said, “We are not called to be successful but to be faithful!” God doesn’t desire for me to wind but rather for me to follow him recklessly and with all that I am. There are so many amazing notes in my trek journal from his talk that it would take forever to write them down. But I would like to write one quote that really hit me. “If I do not belong to a community, whose feet shall I wash?” I was like WOW! I can’t always be an individual. I need armor bearers, I need helpers, and I need people to walk with me! This was kind of huge but God still hadn’t answered my prayer.
So we had lunch and then prepared for a ‘race’ activity. Also we were preparing for walking to a different place. It was amazing to be outside of the compound. Everyone would stop and stare at us. This has never happened to me before. The streets were busy with motorcycles that had a passenger cart attached. There were trucks that were filled with men (most of the trucks said “Not 4 Hire.”) There was half of a sidewalk often being blocked by something. The whole time we were talking it was raining. The rain felt cool because the air was hot and sticky. We finally reached where we were going, a covered multi-purpose room. There were kids playing basketball at a hoop just outside in the street. This did not seem at all safe to me.
The ‘race’ activity started with every member starting shoulder to shoulder. Then we were asked a series of questions. Depending on our response we could take a step either forward or backwards. The questions were about family, finances, education, ethnicity, media, work, safety, and etc. Depending on where we landed is where we were allowed to start the ‘race’ for candy. By the end of the questions, I was up by the front. My ethnicity is portrayed in a more positive light in the media. If I need to, I could pay for an apartment, I could make that work. My Dad does have his masters and PhD. My parents both graduated from high school. I technically do not have to work to pay for school, I have parents to support me and I have student loans. I have so many things other do not. When ‘go’ was said I half walked, half ran to the finish line without thinking. I had my pick of candy, bit others did not. There were women of non-white ethnicity up against the wall in the back of the multi-purpose room. They were crying. I didn’t know how to respond. We then had a time of debriefing. These sisters in Christ were hurt and feeling all the pain they had fought to pass by and forget. They saw the men of non-white ethnicity only getting so far and the white men and women passing everyone by. Some comments they had filled me with anger. For instance, when one girl said “our parents never had to work as had as hers did”. I thought my parents have sacrifices a lot for me to go to the school I wanted. Also I was mad that there was never a question in the ‘race’ about debt for I would have then had to take a few steps back. My family makes things work.
I wrote a lot of questions of wonder, anger, and curiosity in my trek journal. At the end of one page, I wrote, “Lord, I surrender all of these things to you!” And I did. I prayed to see his children as he did. This was all at debriefing at the compound. God told me to “Weep with my children as I weep with them. Mourn as I mourn for their pain. My heard is broken for them and their pain, so yours should be too.” Then God broke my heart for His children who have been hurt, oppressed, prejudice against, who cry, weep, fight for a right, who have no where in the world to turn but Him. I began to weep uncontrollably. God’s heart and my heart were aligned. I rejoiced in my heard and mind for the Lord s good and faithful to all prayers. He had answered my prayer and I continued to weep for and with His children.
We had a time of sharing after this time of processing. After a few people, I got up and told what the Lord had done. I thanked them for sharing. I apologized for not being an advocate, for not stopping every joke or comment that may be tearing people of non-white ethnicity down when they are not there. For being tired of fighting for God’s children. I thanked them for giving me a window of what my little cousins could face if the world does not change. My heart wept or Max, Vincent, and Eric. I had grown to not see differences in skin color and the pain they could feel. I had never talked with my Uncle Rick about what he has gone through being a black man. I never talked to Gespar about his fight staying in the USA. My anger was washed away, there is no need for anger, just grace, mercy, and love. I had heard Jesus weep that day and I wept along side His children. I cried till I thought I had no more tears but more tears came. We finally finished the time of sharing. There were apologies from the white community, men as a gender, from people who had been filled with hate due to what people had done to them or people of their same ethnicity. It was a blessing for my heart to be broken.
I missed dinner that night because I had cried so hard I had a headache. This God turned into a blessing. Marie was willing to share with me about her hurt and I prayed over her. Lauren shared in her feelings of guilt and pain and we prayed for her, when I say we I mean Beth, Marie, Lauren, and myself. Then Beth shared in her hurt, pain, and anger towards men. We prayed over her. For each of these women God had led me to pray for them in a specific way and to lay my hands on them in a certain place. For Marie, I was called to lay my hands on her back for her burden. For Lauren, I placed my hands on her head for her confusion of thoughts. While I was praying for Lauren before Beth shared, God gave me a picture of hands on her heart, so when we prayed for her that’s what I did, for that’s where she is hurt. Then they went to dinner and I laid down. Adriel came to see if I needed anything, so I prayed for her. Danielle came to see what I needed. It was great to feel cared for by this new community. I talked with Danielle about how she was doing. I was so happy that she was willing to share with me. She was also able to minister and relate to the pain that Beth felt; Beth had come back from dinner. I then prayed for Danielle and the Holy Spirit was there for the words that I said were words that her and ray had been praying about that I could not have any knowledge of. Some where in this whole evening of prayer Lauren said that she could see that I have a gift of discerning. This was such a blessing to me for I had been praying for this for my chapter of InterVarsity this whole year.
After we prayed, it was time for worship and the nighttime activity, which was seeing how we approach conflict. I’m a compromiser. My commission was to be more accommodating and at times willing to collaborate. We then went into team time. We shared about what god has been doing and is doing. This was awesome. I felt exhausted through. It was great and recharging to see how God is building us as a community. After this Danielle requested individual group time, her, Rachel, Adriel, and myself. This time was so great for we came together as a community and ministered to Rachel and each other. This time was also recharging, yet when I left I asked Beth to pray and then crashed.